This post is about how I work with clients. I wanted to share this here because I have some people reaching out and asking me what we'd do if we worked together. If you're interested in working together, you can send me an email: [email protected]

 

MY PHILOSOPHY

I know you want to be the best mom ever. Deep inside, this is what we all want.

 

But in order to feel like you’re a good mom, you need guilt-free alone time to reset your energy.

 

The problem with this is that you’re a busy mom with no alone time.

 

This can make you feel frustrated and burnt out because you’re constantly giving of yourself because you want to fulfill your role as a mom, but you never get to fill yourself back up.

 

I believe it should be so hard for people like us to enjoy being a mom.

 

I know how exhausting it is trying to enjoy your life when all you want is a break, which is why I teach moms how to consistently have guilt-free alone time to stay emotionally balanced.

 

Imagine what it would be like if you stopped thinking you need a break! How often are you thinking this? What percent of your day is this taking up your energy?

 

For me, it was a LOT.

 

One of the most important things you can do to set yourself up for success as a mom is to establish a sustainable practice for your life.

 

Meaning…you have a schedule you can follow no matter what that allows for your alone time.

 

If you're thinking...yeah that'll never happen...keep reading. I thought the same thing, but when we approach life in the way I do with my clients, it actually becomes doable.

 

If you have a sustainable practice and you were up in the night with babes or one of the other kids was sick or you just couldn’t sleep because of the anxiety buzzing through your veins, you would know that your life isn’t going to fall apart just because you’re tired.

 

You’re not going to fall behind because you’re not making yourself do everything all of the time.

You’re not burning yourself out.

You’re not indulging in the overwhelm.

 

When you have a sustainable practice, you know exactly what to do, and you do it because it’s doable.

 

YOU NEED A SUSTAINABLE PRACTICE

 

In order to create a sustainable practice, you want to follow a process. This is exactly what I teach my one-on-one clients.

 

I know this works because I’ve been married for 18 years to my amazing husband and we have 6 kids, and this is how I approach my life.

 

This has worked for me and it’s working for my clients.

 

It will work for you, too, even if you don’t really like being a mom.

 

I always wanted to have kids, but once I had them, I couldn’t wait for them to grow up and move out.

 

You see, I thought something was wrong with me that I didn’t enjoy my kids like I thought I should.

 

I was anxious all the time. Literally all. the. time.

 

It was normal for me to have anxiety attacks several times a week.

 

In fact, I designed my life around them.

 

I avoided big crowds, canceled play dates, and stayed home.

 

My nervous system was always on high alert.

 

As a way to feel better, I cleaned. I would pick up the toys before my kids were even finished playing. Everything had to be organized and put aways so it wouldn’t trigger my anxiety.

 

I felt like I was living my life on a tight rope.

 

And then I found life coaching, and it changed my life.

 

It changed who I was as a person.

 

It changed how I kept my home and interacted with my family.

 

It changed how I spent my time.

 

I literally decreased my anxiety by 90% and this completely changed the energy at home.

 

I realized that my anxiety was coming from ME and not from my kids or the state of my house.

 

I stopped needing the living room to look like a magazine clipping just to feel normal.

 

But this didn’t happen overnight. I’m not saying it can’t, I’m just saying that wasn’t my experience.

 

So here is the process I went through, and what I use with my clients.

 

PHASE ONE: basic home + routines 

 

When clients come to me feeling overwhelmed with the day to day happenings at home, this is where we start.

 

Phase one is all about getting organized at home. The cleaning, laundry, menus, mail, groceries, money, etc.

 

It’s everything you’re doing at home and when (TIME) you’re doing it.

 

This phase is very action oriented. You’re not sitting in the recliner thinking about what needs to get done, you’re creating the process to do it, and then you’re doing it.

 

In this phase you create your regular hours so you know exactly how you’re spending your time.

 

I have a program called the Organized Mom Binder that is designed to teach you how to do this.

 

The OMB program is a Do-It-Yourself program and you can have your binder set up within a week or less.

 

Once you get your binder created and you start using it daily, you will feel less overwhelmed and more purposeful.

 

However, if you feel too overwhelmed to fill out worksheets on your own, I can help you in a one-on-one situation to get it done. Just send me an email.

 

Once you have your binder, your time opens up, and fitting in alone time becomes DOABLE.

 

PHASE TWO: mindset + emotions

 

When clients tell me they have routines but they’re just not following them, we focus on their mindset and emotions.

 

The truth is, you don’t need to feel good in order to follow your routine.

 

The feel-good part comes AFTER you do your routines. It’s when you follow your schedule and you do the things you want to be doing that make you feel like you’re being a good mom—that’s when you feel good.

 

But if you’re doing your tasks and you find that you’re just going through the motions, you’re lacking the E. You want to do your tasks with E-motion.

 

If you’re stuck feeling apathetic, it's time to turn on the light.

 

When you notice the apathy, you want to also know where that leads (downhill), and that going there is your choice.

 

Phase two is all about emotional responsibility. You need to know what your mind is set on and how your thoughts impact your life.

 

This isn’t about changing your thoughts so you feel good about the mess at home.

 

It’s about understanding what IS creating your emotions and learning how to honor what you really want.

 

It's about recognizing when you fall into victim mindset and how to get out of it.

 

In this phase you learn how to not be at the effect of your emotions (or your kids or hubby’s) so you can create safety in your body to want to continue.

 

Wanting to continue is about the willingness to be interested.

 

You have to be willing to make your life interesting, and I can help you do that.

 

Phase two is also where my clients stop feeling guilty for needing the alone time and they make more of an effort to actually have it.

 

PHASE THREE: family + hospitality 

 

Phase three is all about going deeper and expanding.

 

This can mean going deeper in the home by cleaning out the clutter and adding in the deep cleaning…or it can mean going deeper by enjoying what you already have and sharing it.

 

But if you’re not interested in your life, you’re not going to want to do any of these things.

 

That’s why mindset comes first.

 

When you start doing the work in this phase, your personality starts to come through and your home starts to reflect who you really are.

 

Being a happy person, feeling content on a daily basis, is so much more about believing that you are interesting and that your life is extraordinary.

 

One thing to note is that if you’re having a hard time following your routines, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to work ‘harder’ on your mindset.

 

There is no ‘working harder’ on your mindset.

 

You might just need to set your life up in a different way to make it easier to get things done.

 

This might mean cleaning out and becoming more minimal, and it might mean doing things at different times.

 

This phase is also where my clients add in kids chores, family time, and making sure there is designated time to invite friends over.

 

I like to think of phase three as the part where everything comes into sync, or into flow.

 

You stop feeling like you’re balancing spinning plates. All your energy that was previously spread out over all the things, comes together.

 

You have tools and processes in place and even though everyday isn’t amazing—(life still happens!) you know how to bounce back, get back on track, and continue.

 

And, the excuses quiet down as to why you can’t have alone time. You’re literally doing everything you tell yourself you ‘should’ be doing to be a good mom. If the excuses get louder, we focus on the mindset.

 

PHASE FOUR: self care + fun 

 

When everything is flowing at home, this is when we finally feel like we have the brain space to focus on ourselves.

 

I love taking care of everything else first because this is how we naturally live.

 

If you go camping, you’re going to set the tent up or get the camper all ready before you go swimming.

 

You want something to come home to.

 

This is how we create safety for ourselves.

 

It’s not wrong to take care of yourself first, and sometimes we do have to start there, but I have found that when a sustainable practice is first established, it’s much easier to focus on you.

 

Phase four is all about your relationship with yourself, your health, your creativity and your purpose.

 

When we take the time to complete and practice the first three phases, giving ourselves our own time feels easier because everything else is already done.

 

And remember, you HAVE the time. We make time for you in phase one, so it's not something you're squeezing in.

 

The reality is…the opposite of depression isn’t happy—its purpose. Giving yourself something to do everyday (phases 1-3) will give you purpose.

 

And then, clarity comes from taking action. The more you continue to show up and do (AKA: LIVE your life with a healthy mindset) the more you understand what you want your life to be about.

 

If you feel like you’re missing purpose, it’s just because you don’t have a doable vision for your life, and if you feel like you’re stuck wanting, it’s because you do have a vision but you’re not living it on purpose. You’re not getting closer.

 

The work we do in this phase is about letting go of the excuses that hold you back.

 

Sometimes clients tell me how amazing their life is and how they want to enjoy it, but they can’t because of health issues or other aches and pains that manifest in their body and impact their energy.

 

We let these limitations hold us back when we believe they limit us.

 

And I get it. I understand it because I did it myself for so many years.

 

I’d tell myself I couldn’t go out in the evenings because I’m too exhausted. I can go out with the family because I need a break. I can’t have company because I just don’t have the energy.

 

Being exhausted was ruining my life.

 

I had to start seeing it as an excuse and not a truth, and when I did that, my life started to change.

 

In this phase it all comes together. YOU come together. It feels like coming home to yourself in the best way. This is where you really start to enjoy all of your life.

 

It’s fun to see how my clients spend their alone time here as they settle into themselves.

 

PHASE FIVE: growth 

 

Phase five is about continuing to grow.

 

In this phase, you practice all of it (your life) and you get better at it. Yes, we literally have to practice living our life.

 

When we practice, we’re easier on ourselves. We don’t make it mean so much when things don’t go our way.

 

Practicing makes you effective.

 

As you become more effective you become more efficient. You know you’re efficient when you start getting the housework done in half the time.

 

The more effective and efficient you are, the more you stay in flow.

 

When you are in flow, you have a sustainable life.

 

When your life is sustainable, continuing to grow is something that’s fun.

 

It’s something you look forward to.

 

It could mean starting a business or going back to school.

It could mean starting a hobby and making time for it consistently.

 

Growth is a way to stay interested in your life.

 

At this point, you know who you are, what you want, and how you want to live your life.

 

Each day, you get to practice being the person who does that. Who has that life.

 

LET’S RECAP 

Here are the phases again:

1. Home + Routines
2. Mindset + Emotions
3. Family + Hospitality
4. Self Care + Fun
5. Growth

 

The reason I have them in this order is because they align so well with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

 

As humans, this is how we’re wired for growth.

 

We can complain about everything that comes before us (like I did with my anxiety and later with my exhaustion) or we can embrace it and become interested in our life and learn how to enjoy it.

 

When I do this work with my clients, we move in phases. You’re not doing everything right away.

 

I always say, your life did not become a mess in a day and we’re not cleaning it up in a day.

This takes time, and we just follow the process.

 

Imagine the compound effect of doing this.

 

When your home comes together and you have basic routines to keep you on top of the home life, your nervous system settles down.

 

You feel better and your kids feel better.

 

Everyone starts to know what to expect.

 

It starts to be normal for mom to have alone time, and when it’s normal, it’s easier to make it happen.

 

Then when you add in the mindset and emotional tools, you become more capable.

 

You know how to work with your emotions instead of feeling at the affect of them, and this has you making changes in areas you’re not even aware of yet.

 

For example, when I first got into coaching, I had no idea that it would lead to me going gluten free.

 

But it did.

 

This is something that has helped me AND my kids. And my relationship with my husband.

 

And then, when we continue and fold in the family and hospitality, now not only are you feeling good and accomplishing more at home, but now your kids start to help out.

 

They get to experience how good it feels to participate and belong, and when you invite others into your home, you get to experience even more joy.

 

So naturally, when we get to the phase where we really focus on what mom really wants and improving your self care so you’re doing what does fill you back up, you get to start the day with a full battery.

 

There is such a difference when we go to bed with a drained battery because we LIVED our life in the best way versus going to bed with a full battery that’s been on standby all day because we’re so exhausted we’re not using it at all.

 

If you don’t use your energy, you don’t sleep good.

 

And then you start your day feeling terrible.

 

I help you start the day feeling good.

 

And this doesn’t mean you will feel good every single day. Life is half amazing and half terrible. We have to accept that.

 

But I do teach you how to handle the terrible parts so it’s not so terrible.

 

And you don’t have to wait to feel good until you get to phase four or five! You will feel so much better when you start DOING what leads you to the life you most want.

 

And that’s what I’m here for. To help you move forward and to help you feel better.

 

To keep you out of overwhelm when you go through these phases, we use the folding effect.

 

This means we do one step at a time and when you’re ready for the next step, we ‘fold’ it in, baby steps at a time.

 

There is no rush to get to the top and when you build yourself a solid foundation, staying at the top is easier.

 

If you want to do this work with me, let’s have a conversation.

 

If you want to work on your self concept so you can feel more self-confident, or if you want to work on your home life, or if you just want to have a sustainable practice to follow to make your life easier, I can help you.

 

Going through these phases will help you design your life in a way that makes you feel excited to get out of bed.

 

You can schedule your conversation with me HERE and if you have any questions you can email [email protected]